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Welcome to
LGBT
FriendSupport

Need a hug?  A shoulder to cry on?

Just someone to vent to?

Let us know.  

We will be here, to do what we can.


lgbtfs@gmail.com

about lgbt friendsupport

WORLDWIDE FAMILY

 We are a family...from from cradle to tomb. My best friend in the world lives in Adelaide, South Australia, and I live in Boise, Idaho. He is still my best mate, and my brother.  We are FAMILY.  We need to realize this and help each other be strong in our struggle against prejudice, ignorance, foolishness, and downright stupidity!  We are here to support each other and will try to help all people rise up together in happiness, harmony and understanding. 

WORLDWIDE ACCEPTANCE

I have great faith in people; that when they understand we all must share this tiny planet, sharing it and  coexisting peacefully, they will LEARN to live together without chaos, blame, or hate.  Miss America will finally get her wish of World Peace.  We have survived horrors before, and we can again...BUT WHY MUST WE?  Why must we live through the pain and agony of hate?  Why can't everyone realize we are one family, working towards one goal?  Why should we feel the need to fight and ruin the only home the human race has?  

WORLDWIDE LOVE

If we accept each other as we are, we make the human race stronger and better.  Perhaps one day each person should lose the ability to see any colors:  white, black, red, yellow, brown...the WHOLE RAINBOW!  Is your coffee not perfect because you have a gay waiter?  Does your  PC give you the wrong answer because you had a Latino service tech?  Is your newspaper impossible to read because it was delivered by an African American?   The simple answer:   NO.


And don't the questions seem kind of silly and stupid?  Simple answer:  YES!

important info and news of lgbtfs

DO YOU NEED TO TALK WITH SOMEONE RIGHT AWAY?

Nobody to turn to?  Text HELLO to 741741


Free and Confidential

MORE LGBT GROUPS TO BECOME INVOLVED IN!

I have added some LGBTQ  groups with which you may wish to become involved:


LGBTQ Social

Born This Way!!

Never Give Up!

ANOTHER PERSON AND HOW HE DEALT WITH COMING OUT

We come from all walks of like, and this is the story a man that I am proud to call my friend came out.  Thank you, Taylor.

JUST RANDOM THOUGHTS

It CAN BE an ugly at times, and we need to be there for each other to survive.  Barbra Streisand said it so eloquently in Funny Girl, when she sings PEOPLE:

A feeling deep in your soul,

Says you were half; now you're whole.

No more hunger and thirst, 

but first be a person who needs people.

People who need people...

Are the luckiest people in the world.


MY HOPES AND DREAMS

I dream that one day,  our skin color, our sexual orientation, our gender identity

JUST WILL NOT MATTER!

(And PLEASE don't make me say that some of my best friends are straight!!)

Can you tell me--empirically--what makes you superior to any other member of the human race?  And that includes the disabled, as well.  

SO PLEASE,

stop the bullies as well.


WISHES DO COME TRUE!

Just yesterday, as I was updating the site,

I begged for more contributions of any type, and my guardian angel must either be:

1. tired of my eternal kvetching, or

2. wanted to shock me silly.

That is why you see four new contributions, plus an update of my story in today's edition.


Thank you to the wonderful folks in

LGBT FriendSupport

for your help and love.

one man's coming out bravery

Taylor's Story:

Denied it for years, and went into deep depression over it. Couldn't even admit it to MYSELF that I was gay. But one night, I found Coming Out videos on YouTube and spent hours watching them and FINALLY dealt with the issues inside. So the next morning, I decided to come out to my family. 


My mom was the first person I ever said it out loud to. She was just glad that I didn't kill someone or something like that. To this day, she is one of my biggest supporters. When I Came out to my Dad and Stepmom, their reaction was "I guess it's not COMPLETELY unexpected...." They needed time to adjust to it, but now they're okay with it. My siblings were completely okay with it because they had a feeling.


Now, I don't hide my true self away and I am who I am. There's no more secrets, and I'm just me. And I couldn't be happier! It really DOES get better! Just give it time! 



Thank you for your story, and for sharing your bravery with us, Taylor!

"i really don't think they were surprised!" coming out!

I never really had to come out, because I was never in. I did however,  learn very early that you simply did not talk about such things unless you fell within the norm.  I definitely did not.  And because of that, I believed myself to be broken in some way for many years.


I have a cousin who will tell you (quite happily I might add, because it's one of her favorite stories) that I learned that lesson some time after the age of 5 or 6 when I actually came out to her.   As she remembers it, we were playing in my brother's room when I announced to her that I like girls.


Cousin: "I like girls too."


Me: "No. I mean when I grow up, I'm going to marry a girl like you're going to marry a boy"


Cousin: "Ewww. Boys are icky"


I met my first girlfriend in high school, and she reinforced the idea that I had to keep my sexuality a secret. I was not to speak to her or even look at her except in private.  Just in case somebody figured it out.  I'm a stereotype.  I've always been a stereotype.  If you can't tell I'm a lesbian when you look at me, it's because you don't want to know.  She was ashamed and embarrassed to be with me.  I wasn't keeping my secret--I was keeping hers.  But I learned how to do that pretty well.  Not by pretending to be something else, but by keeping all of my relationships basically invisible to everyone. As far as anyone could tell - I was completely asexual.

When I joined the Marine Corps in 1986  (well before "don't ask, don't tell),  this became a necessity.  By the time I returned home in 1993, I was quite determined to be done hiding any part of me.  While visiting my parents, I blurted it out. It was a very anticlimactic scene:


Me: "I'm gay."


Dad: "Yep."


Mom: "You're still my daughter."


I really don't think they were surprised.

The author of this, Sam Sharpe, is exactly that:  sharp!  I have enjoyed her rapier wit since I first met her.  Thank you for your contribution, Sam.

coming out my way

Amanda's Story

So I never thought about sexuality ever or dated anyone. Wasn't the biggest priority for me ever. Than I got sent to Alaska new place new life living with relatives I didn't even know. But I went to school made friends and my news friend riley was like "so do you like girls or guys" me " I dunno" and I started high school when is was 13 so I really never thought about it but. I thought to myself and looked at pictures and was like OK whom am I more attracted to and wanting to kiss (again I was 13 ) and all in a I found myself drawn to women and kinda grossed out by guys. So I went. Back to her like a week later and said I am gay. I did hide it from the relatives I lived with but told my cousin in letters we wrote to each other and told my mom on the phone and her reaction is " I always knew you where a lesbian" the reason I hid it from my aunt and uncle in AK was because they said if I was gay I wasn't aloud to have girls sleep over so I denied it to them for 4 years till after I left back to new Jersey after high school. 

I have only recently made Amanda's acquaintance, but already I am impressed with her story.

Let's tell our coming out stories. i'll start

 Mines a little boring haha


 
I called my mom and she said "your friend" a lot then said "it's a fase all the kids are doing it (I'm ooh n my 20s) your going to give me a heart attack is that what you want."



My pops. A little u orthodox but says "who I can brag to my friends my daughter is a lesbian. Is it ok to say muff diver and clam slapper." DAD!



My step mom "honey I dont car of you like guys, girls or a blue giraffe with purple spots, your still my Jen." 




Jen is anything but boring; what a sense of humor, and a heart as big as all the great outdoors.  (She also swears she isn't hiding a little wizard away who brews her an elixir of youth, but I don't quite believer her there.)

come out, come out, wherever you are!

I was born in a little town in Northern Idaho....yes, small down, "backwoods state",  etc.  All the good bits and pieces necessary for a good novel about growing up gay in a hell on earth.  I am sorry to burst your bubble.  No big uglies happened to me...well, maybe they did, but I didn't really notice, because I had my head too buried in books, and my mind to buried in study...and practicing my instruments.  Yes, plural.  I was a clarinetist in the best marching band in the state of Idaho (we had moved to the capital when i was almost 14), and one of the best bassoonists to come through that high school's symphonic band or orchestra in many a year.  Unfortunately, the only one better than I was there at the same time as I...one year ahead of me.  But that is not where my mind was.  I liked her, but I LIKED another classmate, younger than myself, and not in band or orchestra.  I fretted, stewed, threw myself at a percussionist in marching band, and finally graduated!  (And not just by the skin of my teeth; in fact I was one of 6 that tied for class rank of #1...in a class of 630.  But enough of my bragging.)


I went to university here in Boise, and lasted about one year before I discovered partying, and the only local gay bar.  To say I got around is putting it mildly.  Skip forward 35 years, 2 divorces, and a few failed relationships...


I met a young man online one night (late afternoon the next day for him), and we have become best friends in the past 7 plus years.  We know that we love each other, and that if we ever meet in person, we will either be deeply in love, or will murder each other on sight.  (We both have rather strong personalities.)  We actually have each told the other to find someone for himself, since we can't be there for the other.  (Do you follow that?  I confused myself typing it!)


Enter picture:  handsome young man from Colombia, also a long-distance relationship.  Oscar and I have had our troubles, but we have been engaged since September of 2017, and hope to be married in late 2018...whenever he has gotten himself moved to Idaho.  It is rough on both of us, but is making us both better men, I think.  We are learning patience (which is what I need to learn the most of any lesson I can learn), and we are each learning the other's native language much better.  He has the head start on me; he already knows some English; all I could say until a few months ago was Adios, and Hola!  I now am mastering necessary phrases like "No entiendo" (I don't understand), "Lo siento" (I'm sorry), and of course, the longest sentence I have memorized...for our wedding whenever he gets here:  "Te quiero, te necesito y te amo siempre, amor de mi vida.  Soy su Bret, siempre."  (I want you, I need you, and I love you forever, love of my life.  I am your Bret, forever.)  So I am thinking ahead a bit, and quite hopefully...I feel that when your dreams die, YOU die.

I am one of the administrators and moderators of the LGBT FriendSupport group, and basically the webmaster, too.  I have been browbeating other members into helping me out with more contributions, and I am pleased to say that I have received 4 besides my updated version posted here.

germany: one woman's story

Interacting with the world, one person at a time...

I first spoke with Ms. Scwabedissen in mid-October, regarding registration of a website domain name I had previously purchased.  I felt that some of my trans brothers and sisters might wish to hear what someone else might have had to endure.  In the meantime, we have kept up a light and cheery correspondence.  I (obviously) asked her to share some of her story with me, which she graciously has done.  I have also told her that I would forward any comments--both positive and negative--to her, so if you have any comments, please email them to lgbtfs@gmail.com.

Pia Schwabedissen:

 My name is Pia, I am 56 years old (* 1962) and live in Germany near Cologne. I was born as a boy and in 2015 I finally found the strength to do the step that I dreamed about since i was a child.
Since then I live happily as a woman and my life has not collapsed as I have always feared throughout my life.
In January 2015 I outed to my family, friends and colleagues and after a healing break of 6 months, I resumed my work in August 2015.
In March 2016, I officially changed my name and gender and received my new ID cards, driving licenses, credit cards, etc.
Since May 2016, I have been in cosmetic treatment to remove the whiskers. The cost of at least $ 30,000 carries my health insurance.

The costs of my gender-adjusting surgery were also covered by the health insurance. The surgeries took place from February to August 2017. After complications during the first surgery, I had to undergo a second and a third unscheduled surgery, so that I had been operated 4 times. Nevertheless the result is infinitely beautiful and deeply satisfying. I would always choose this way again! In May 2016, I got to know my current girlfriend, with whom I have lived very happily for over a year now. I experience this as positively as the kind, interested and motivating reactions of my colleagues and many friends and acquaintances. I am a police officer (Detective Captain) and I have always believed that I could never take the step with this profession. But it has been completely different. I have received wonderful reactions from my colleagues and I am doing my job completely unchanged. My over 80 year old mother has now accepted it as well as my older sister. I have a wonderful relationship with my 25-year-old daughter from my first marriage, she was the first to experience it and gave me courage. My first wife has become a best friend to me. In my free time, I engage in a community for trans-men (female to male). Here, during my outing, I met some wonderful people and found the help and encouragement I needed. I have finally arrived and live my life as I have always dreamed. An infinitely large load has dropped off and I live as free as I want to be! 

I asked Pia if she would tell us about the situation in Germany. She writes:

 Bret asked me to write a short overview of the situation of transsexuals in Germany, which I enjoy doing.


Since 2015, I have been in contact with some transsexual police officers in the US. I met some of them at an international congress in Amsterdam in August 201

Therefore, in the last two years I have been able to follow the situation of transsexuals in the USA and I am immensely glad that my situation is comparatively easier and more regulated in Germany. 

The public acceptance is much better and many things on the way of transition are regulated by law. The costs of psychotherapeutic accompaniment and other medical treatments are covered by the health insurance. Nobody makes a public hunt for transsexuals, neither politicians nor media. The interest is often even very large and so I have already made a TV documentary about myself to improve the understanding of the life, thinking and feeling of transsexuals. 


Since the eighties, awareness of the needs of transsexuals has grown steadily in Germany. Psychologists, endocrinologists and surgeons, along with health insurance companies, have developed a binding guideline to support transsexuals on the path of transition. The decision to live as a woman / man at some point often leads to a life crisis. Therefore, there is often a psychotherapeutic treatment at the beginning of the path, which turns into psychotherapeutic counseling / support after the crisis has ended. This is available to every transsexual, the costs are covered by the health insurance. Nevertheless, transsexuality is not treated as a disease. The health insurance companies cover the costs, as transsexuality can lead to (mental) illness or even suicide if the sex can not be changed. Transsexuals have the legal right to change their name and gender. The so-called transsexual law is constantly being developed and adapted to the current state of medicine and society. The change of name an gender only requires psychological expertise. In a short court case the new personal details are determined. Thereafter, the transsexual receives the new ID cards, a new birth certificate and EVERYONE is required by law to use the new personal details and to change them on request in old documents or to reissue them (certificates, etc.). The costs of the psychological expertise, the court proceedings, the new ID cards and all document changes must be coverd by the transsexual himself. They amount to about $ 2,500. On the recommendation of the psychotherapist, the hormone treatment can be started, the costs are also covered by the health insurance. For trans-women (man to woman), the costs of beard removal and sex-adjusting surgery are covered by the health insurance. For trans-men (woman to man), the costs of the more complex sex-adjusting surgery are much higher, but are also taken over by the health insurance companies. Until a few years ago, an existing marriage was forcibly divorced. A same-sex marriage between two women or two men was not possible if one of the partners had changed his gender. Until recently, it was forcibly converted into a civil partnership that did not include the same rights and obligations of marriage.
Same-sex marriages now are possible in Germany since October 2017, so that two people who were previously married to one another can continue to be married even after the gender change of one of the partners.
 As already written, our way, the law, the social and medical aids are still in motion and we certainly have not reached the end yet, but we are on a good way.
Today the life of a transsexual in Germany is worth living and carried by society and law.
 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bret again:  My feelings on my interactions with Pia can be summed up very concisely:  Fantastic to work with, and I will continue to do so, as long as she is willing to work with me!


Ich spreche auch ein bisschen Deutsch: Fantastisch, mit zu arbeiten, und ich werde dies auch weiterhin tun, solange Sie bereit ist, mit mir zu arbeiten!


I also have her article in her original German; I will ask her if it is okay to give copies to whomever asks.

NEW STUFF

JOURNALISTIC METHOD, RIGHT?

WHO do you think you are, to have the right to play with my heart the way you do?


WHAT do you intend to accomplish by this oh-so-public display of painful humiliation you are putting me through?


WHERE did you learn to be such a spiteful, hateful, heartlessly awful person who has no qualms about ruining another's emotional state?


WHEN do you intend to finish this excruciatingly long and draw-out process of destruction of my well-being?


WHY are you acting lower than the lowest of all the devils in Hell, simply because I asked you....


HOW  THE  HELL  DID  I  EVER  LET  YOU  INTO  MY  FUCKING  LIFE?




~~thoughts i have had more than once, during and after a particularly bad breakup.

Z.B.

more new stuff...for now

JOURNALISTIC METHOD, part II

WHO are you, you beautiful man...sent to me as if carried by angels and delivered to me with love and care?


WHAT can I do to prove myself worthy of your love, even if I only need to prove myself worthy--to myself?


WHERE in all the cosmos have you been hidden from me, to keep me from such utter happiness?  (I'll bet you thought I was going to say "where have you been all my life", didn't you?)


WHEN are you going to allow me to actually tell you that I love you, without me feeling like I am expecting you to say it back to me...although that is what I am hoping happens!


WHY do you torture me so, with your beauty--physical and mental and emotional--and seem not to notice the pain I am going through?


HOW  DO  I  ASK  YOU  TO  BE  MINE  WITHOUT  SCARING  YOU  MORE  THAN  I  AM  SCARING  MYSELF?


~~yes, thoughts i have had,  meeting that "someone special" who is going to make me smile again.

Z.B.




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